Tourniquet
by Fallenangel2904
Summary: The rating may be PG to R depending on the person. Kay finds an escape from the pain in her life. Short, COMPLETE Sad, but please R


Ok I know I haven't done a Passions fic in a long time, and still have so many unfinished and un- updated stories on here, but the idea came to me for this one out of no where, and I really wanted to do it, so here it is. This is a short, and complete one. Here it is.  
  
WARNING** This story is not as happy as the ones I usually write, but I think you may have noticed that from the title. This is a song fic. This mainly focuses on Kay, and what she has gone through, and what she does to get out of it. She is not pregnant, but did sleep with Miguel. Also she is living at home and not at Tabitha's, but Charity and Miguel are still together. So without any further a due, here is the story.  
  
Disclaimer I don't own, or in way am I associated with NBC, or JER. I am just a fan.  
  
~ I tried to kill the pain But only brought more (So much more)  
  
Kay Bennett sat on her bed crying. There was so much pain in her heart right now. She loved Miguel, and all she wanted to do was be with him, but he made it perfectly clear that he wanted nothing to do with her. She had just come from the Lopez Fitzgerald house. She went there to try to tell Miguel to at least give her a chance. Well he shot down all her hopes in dreams in one sentence. 'Kay I could never love someone like you.' Those words echoed in her head over and over. Someone like me, what exactly was he referring to? The fact that she has schemed and manipulated people to get what she wanted, or the fact that she really didn't know how to love. She didn't know exactly what he meant by it, but she was hurt enough to not want to. He said it so coldly, with so much bitterness. When she thought about what Miguel had said, she realized that he was right, he never could love 'someone like her', someone who didn't know how to love back. It wasn't her fault, it's just she was never really loved. Her mother ignored her after Charity came to town, and was never on her side. Her dad tried, and he did love her. That was why her parent's marriage was so horrible, he was always going against Grace because of Kay. This was too much for her to think about right now. She walked into her bathroom, which was adjacent to her bedroom, and washed her face with cold water. Her head was pounding after thinking about all of this. She rummaged through her medicine cabinet, looking for some aspirin, but to her dismay she couldn't fine anything. While she was searching, she accidentally knocked something off the shelf, and into the sink. She picked it up; it was the replacement razor blade she had been meaning to refill her razor with. She was about to put it back, when the thought crossed her mind; she would never have happiness. She looked at the blade, this time studying it. This was the ticket to it all. The only way she could have a better life, was to not have one at all. 'I could never love someone like you.' Those words echoed in her head on last time. A single tear ran down Kay's cheek. Without another thought she picked up the blade, brought it to her wrists, and pushing firmly sliced the blade across each of her wrists. As she dropped the razor out of her hand, blood poured down her wrists, and gathered on the floor to form a large pool of blood at her feet. She sank to the floor, tears streaming down her cheeks, she laid down holding herself, hoping the pain would subside, and soon she would be free.  
  
~I lay dying And I'm pouring Crimson regret And betrayal  
  
Kay's white blouse soon ran red as she lye in her blood. The pain  
was subsiding now, And she felt nothing but numbness outside, yet the pain was still in her heart. All she wanted was for this to be over, for this pathetic excuse for an existence to be done with. She was too weak to even think about her pain, then suddenly the thought crossed her mind, God. She didn't realize that suicide was not only a mortal sin, but she would be cursed to hell for sure. She had already done some things in her time, but this had to top the charts over even her selling her soul. She didn't want to be cured to hell, she just wanted to end this life; it was too painful. She started to cry, and scream at the top of her lungs, calling to god to love her, to take her home when she left this life behind. That was what she wanted.  
  
~I'm dying Praying, Bleeding, And screaming Am I too lost to be saved? Am I too lost?  
  
She was praying god would be her savior. He would be there greeting her with open arms lovingly. He would save her.  
  
~My god, my tourniquet Return to me salvation My god my tourniquet Return to me salvation  
  
Right now all Kay could hope for was that god recognized her. She had become a different person, and it had been so long since Kay even prayed. She just needed to know if he would be there accepting her, waiting for her or not.  
  
~Do you remember me? Lost for so long Will you be on the other side, or will you forget me?  
  
I'm dying Praying Bleeding And screaming Am I too lost to be saved? Am I too lost?  
  
Kay hopped that he would hear her. She was ending it because she was tired. She had been through so much her whole life. She needed an escape. Right now most of all she needed god to forgive her. As she lay there in her blood knowing her last breath would come soon, she reached out for god in her final hour.  
  
~My god my tourniquet Return to me salvation My god my tourniquet Return to me salvation  
  
In her mind she could only think of what was about to come as she let her self sink deeper and deeper in to it. She let all of it fade away. Her pain, her anger, and most importantly the last 19 years of her life, it was time to let go, she wanted to let go.  
  
~ I want to die!  
  
~My god my tourniquet Return to me salvation My god my tourniquet Return to me salvation  
  
Kay had given up; she was ready to go. Her heart and soul had been through torture, and they just wanted it all to stop. She did want god. She wanted redemption, and absolution. Most of all she just wanted to be whole again.  
  
~My wounds cry for the grave My soul cries for deliverance  
  
Death was slowly coming upon her; she felt herself slip from her body slowly. She knew that this was it; this was the end. She just hoped that god would absolve her of her sins. She closed her eyes as she slowly took in her last breath.  
  
~Will I be denied Christ? Tourniquet my suicide  
  
As She exhaled she was gone, leaving behind only her pain. It was finally over for her now just a painful memory for those left behind.  
  
~*~*~*~ Here it was. So what did you all think? Was it too depressing? Sorry if it was, I tend to get like that sometimes. Hopefully you all liked it even though it was very sad. Well good or bad please review. Oh the song was Tourniquet by Evanescence. It's off the Fallen album, just incase your interested. It's a good song if you want to download it so you can hear how it goes with the story. That's all, and review please. 


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